How can I know what God’s will is for my life? This has always been a question burning in my mind, ever since as a young child I realized I would be doing something with my life, and I had to figure out what that would be.

I didn’t want to just do what I want to do, I wanted to do what God wanted. How could I know what that was?

I have thought about this a lot with past decisions I have made in my life. Even before coming to the Discipleship Program, I struggled to know if this year was the Lord’s will for me. Looking back now, I know it was, due to the amazing ways the Lord has worked through it. Prayer is one big thing I have grown in this year, as well as becoming more others-focused – learning what it means to serve, and becoming more of an outgoing person, willing to give of myself.

As the year slowly comes to an end, there is the question of what is next, not often spoken but often running through my mind.

Through a few things we have studied, conversations we’ve had, and the Lord helping me understand, I have come to realize God’s will for my life isn’t and doesn’t need to be as complicated as I always thought it was.

A picture in my head that would describe what I had thought about God’s will would be of a road stretched out in front of me, my life. In that road, there is a fork - a decision I must make - right or left, this or that. One way would be God’s will and the other wouldn’t. If I chose the wrong path, well, it wouldn’t be very good from there. I didn’t consider what would happen down that path, but I knew that it would be bad, and it was crucial to make the right choice.

I have come to see that the picture I had is wrong.

God’s will for me is to know Him more. If I am earnestly seeking Him with my heart, the choice I make will be what He desires as well.

Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3a, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification”

Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

And what if I choose the things that are not of the Lord? It’s not the end of the world. Everybody slips off the path and stumbles at different points. The key is to get up again and get back on the right track.

I feel it is encouraging to know that God has a plan for my future. I am realizing that I will most likely not know all of it at once however. Each step I take of obedience will allow me to see one more step ahead, but I may not know (and don’t right now) what the next five years hold.

So, I don’t need to stress about what my life will look like. I simply need to trust the Lord and seek Him with all my heart. God’s call on my life is for me to know Him more and grow to be more like Him. Proverbs 3 seemed to make this all clearer to me. Verses 2-8 say:

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good success
in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

I don’t know that I feel it in my bones, but this has been a great source of comfort and peace to me, knowing that if I am changing to be more like Him, I am fulfilling His call. I don’t know where that will all take me, but I take joy in knowing I can trust Him with my future.

~ Disciple of 2019



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Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

— James 5:16

Have you ever asked for help and gotten the strangest advice imaginable and thought ‘no way that will ever help’? We had that the first week or two of DP.

Our problem was a simple one; the deadbolt on the door of our house was nigh impossible to turn with the key. When we asked if something could be done to help, I thought that the solution would be WD-40 or oil, but to my surprise we were told to put soap on our key. That’s right, soap. Just lather the key in soap a couple times and slide it in and out of the keyhole and the lock will turn, we were told.

There was no way we were going to do something as ridiculous as that. So we kept fighting with the lock, and several times we gave up and left our house unlocked while we were at the office. Finally, we gave in and lathered our key in dish soap, and could lock and unlock our door. The weather had also warmed up so, stubborn as we were, we insisted that it was because the temperature change in the ground had caused the house to shift ever so slightly. We felt justified in this when the temperature dropped again and we had more trouble with our lock.

After fighting a few days we gave in and tried more soap, and lo and behold! Our lock worked; not that we were going to admit that, though. Not long after some of the guys came to get some things out of the storage at our house, and the lock was stuck. They tried everything you could think of - warming the key and lock with a lighter, wiggling and jiggling, you name it. Meanwhile Susana, our house mentor, was standing by, thinking about the soap. Finally, very sheepishly, she offered to try the soap. They had the same opinion we had about it, but had nothing to lose. Five minutes later, the lock was open. Fancy that.

Fast forward two months into March, and due to the lovely spring weather I opened the windows. When our house smelled fresh and springy and I was tired of being cold I went to close the window, but the lock wouldn’t budge. So I went on the prowl for some WD-40 and, lacking that, was going to put some vegetable oil on it. Then I remembered our previous success with the soap, so I daubed a generous amount into the slider, flipped the lock a couple times to get it around inside, and once again it worked perfectly. So, I think it’s fair to say that I am now convinced.

The first weekend of the Discipleship Program (DP) we went to a Spiritual Renewal conference in Guelph, and one of the things that was talked about there was confession, the ‘go to the priest and confess your sins’ kind of confession. For me, coming from an Evangelical background, that was a struggle. My first thought was ‘what in the world have I gotten myself into?’ and I thought about going home. But I had only just arrived, and I knew that God had called me to come here - how could I give up so easily? So I prayed about it, and the Lord gave me His peace, and I stayed. I saw in the lives of the staff the real Christianity that I had been searching for and wanted to live; they weren’t perfect, they never pretended to be, but when they fell down they got up again, they forgave each other, they grew… and I desperately wanted that. I still do.

We were encouraged to ‘make confession’, but in no way were we compelled or forced to. Everything that we were and are being taught we are encouraged to go back, to the Bible and the early church fathers, to try and test for ourselves and see the background of different practices of faith. And there, in the very pages of the Bible I thought I had known so well, I found things. Verses like James 5:16, Numbers 5:6-7, 1 John 1:8-9, and Proverbs 28:13 had a new meaning. I had always been taught (truthfully) to confess my sins to God, and that no one else needed to ever know about it. But I had also been taught (not exactly in words) that if I did something wrong (taking cookies without asking, for example) that I should confess. I had heard of confession, but always associated it with Catholicism and thought ‘that’s good for them, I guess, but I don’t need it’. The more I thought about it, the less strange it seemed. I had done a form of confession before, not to a priest or pastor but to a very close, godly friend when I was really struggling with a destructive sin pattern in my life, and the freedom that it gave me was bliss. So, like the soap on our door, I decided to try it.

Last summer I was in a situation that hurt a friend very deeply. I knew that I had done wrong, I had confessed to the Lord, asked forgiveness of my friend, and done everything I could to make things right. Though I knew that I had been forgiven in my head, I still carried the weight of guilt of what I had done, and felt condemned. So I went to one of the leader’s (the same one who told us to use the soap on our lock 😊) and confessed. The peace I felt when he spoke the words of Jesus to me, instead of just reading them myself, reminding me that I was forgiven and that there is ‘no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1a)’ removed all guilt from my soul. I don’t have to guess or hope that I ‘did enough’ to make up for what I did, and I know that if fear or guilt tries to creep back into my heart I can go back, receive prayer and encouragement and be strengthened to keep fighting.

I’ve read some about ‘locks’ and ‘keys’ in the Christian life, but sometimes it just feels like the key is stuck in a rusty lock. For me, confession has been like soap to make the lock turn.



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One of the strangest things to me about being in DP is the Tupperware. Or rather, the lack thereof.

Growing up we always had Tupperware containers for everything (in part due to the tendency for mice to live in our pantry), and several years ago my Mama became a Tupperware consultant, so we had even more. I was always taught that it’s better to pay more upfront for something that will last basically forever.

Then I came to DP, and while there are a few pieces of Tupperware to be found, for the most part Ziploc dominates the scene.

It may seem like a really small thing, but it made me rethink my priorities; if everything in this world is temporal, why would I spend money on something I don’t really need? I may think that I need it, but really, most of the world gets along just fine without any storage containers at all.

Which made me ask the question: what small pleasures am I willing to sacrifice so that I can give more to God? Consider - $7 is enough money for a burger, or for a Bible. A burger is very unhealthy and may nourish me for one day, but a single Bible in the hands of a believer can nourish a person, a family, or even a church and community, for a lifetime.

Does that mean that I’m never going to eat at McDonald's again? Probably not, but I will certainly thank the Lord more fervently when I do.

To me there's more to it than even that. Ziploc, to me, is like many things of this world- it’s cheap, convenient, and sufficient for my current needs. Everyone - or almost everyone - has it and uses it every day. I have no need for anything else, I’m not ‘that sort of person’.

The Tupperware Company is more like God’s grace (this is an analogy, please remember. There is very little that is actually spiritual about plastic containers); you can’t just go to the store and grab it, it’s costly, but it will last forever. And if, perchance, you make a mistake and drop a frozen item on concrete (been there, done that) and it breaks, you get it replaced. Brand new, for free, just like that, just like grace. It’s not that I grew up with Tupperware because everything had to be name brand and the best quality -a lot of ours we got for under $2 at garage sales and thrift stores- but we wanted something that would last.

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?

— Luke 9:25

I'm now faced with two questions almost every moment of my day: what can and should I give up to gain eternal life and share it with others and what am I willing to pay to have the very best of Jesus? For me this most often looks like getting up early to start my day in prayer; waiting on the Lord, not with any prayer requests, simply listening to His voice and resting the in the presence of God.



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Giving up may sound like a negative phrase, and it often can be. But when it comes to the season of Lent, giving up is one of the best things we can do.

Growing up, I was always used to people around me “giving up” something for the Lenten season. I never understood why, I just assumed that we became more spiritual by not eating chocolate, drinking coffee, etc.

Through what I have been learning in the Discipleship Program, and in seeing the lives of GFA staff, I have been realizing that there is more to Lent than this. I don’t want to participate and enter into Lent because someone told me to, or to look better than those around me. Rather, I do this because of my love for my Saviour. If there is anything hindering me in my walk with the Lord, or something that is not aiding me, I need to remove that from my life and replace it with a new practice that will draw me closer to Him. Lent is a time of mourning and repentance that helps me to remember my sin, the suffering and death that Christ went through to free me of it, and what it looks like to live in the power of the Holy Spirit. As I prepare my heart for Easter, for the great celebration of Christ’s resurrection; like He did, I first go through the pain and the suffering before the victory.

In Lent this year, I feel the Lord is really teaching me about my sin, specifically being judgmental of others. In the past, I have been very quick to quickly gloss over it or justify it, and to remind myself that Jesus has covered it all, and so I don’t need to think about it. It is most certainly true that Jesus’ blood has paid for my sin in full. But to live the free and victorious life that Christ has bought for me, I need to identify and confront the sin in my life, and in the power of Holy Spirit conquer and defeat it. This is somewhat like weeding a garden. The longer I leave sin in my life, the deeper it grows and the harder it is to pull it out by the roots. If I simply gloss over my sin and remove the visible signs, but leave the roots intact, it will quickly grow back, as I was often reminded by my mother when working pulling weeds in the garden. I also will not be able to pull out the weeds if I do not look carefully and identify them among the plants in the garden of my heart.

Each year I look forward to Lent and don’t at the same time. For me, going through Lent is a painful journey. It hurts to look at all the ugliness that remains in my life, and how often I do not surrender to Jesus. But it is a beautiful road too. It may not be easy to fast, to spend extended time in prayer, and to root out sin, but in the end, it is so, so worth it. I love to walk with my Saviour, to get to know Him more and more.

“Yet even now,” declares the Lord,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”
Return to the Lord your God,
for He is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and He relents over disaster.

— Joel 2:12-13


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Coming to the Discipleship Program, I didn’t know I would be learning so much. I’ve studied these three books and one audio assignment in the following order: Liturgy of the Ordinary, Core Values, Divine Energy, Jesus Style, and now I’m finishing Touching Godliness. Out of these books I believe Touching Godliness has impacted me the most so far. It speaks about how important it is to submit to our delegated authorities and when we do that we submit to God Himself and please Him. Our real authority is God and if we love Him we will want to submit to those He has placed over us.

“Therefore, submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.” (1 Peter 2:13-14)

I have failed many times in the past to submit to those over me, but my desire is to grow in this. Pain and submission go hand in hand, so if I choose the way of submission I may experience some pain but can have peace through it. The Bible has many great examples of people who were submissive and obedient to God and their delegated authorities. David, Joseph, and Paul are just a few examples for us to follow.

I especially like Joseph’s example of submission. Because of the position God had given Joseph, his entire family was permitted to live in Egypt, escaping starvation. God was able to use Joseph in this mighty way because he stayed submitted to his authority.

I’m grateful for this opportunity to be part of the Discipleship Program where I can continue to learn and grow in my walk with the Lord, alongside others who encourage me on the journey.



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